David Hardt From Iraq

I sit staring at the white screen of my computer; the light brightens the dark room. I start to write, but I find myself deleting everything I write. I stop typing and look around the room. I live with three men — two of the best squad leaders, Staff Sgt. Rine and Staff Sgt. Reeves, complemented by the presence of the big, muscle-bound Alpha Team leader, Sgt. Bill Sanders, who is my fishing buddy. It’s late — about 2 a.m. — and everyone is asleep. The snoring and the tossing and turning are regular and always annoying, making me resort to listening to music while I sleep or write. This night these nuisances don’t bother me or make me resort to my headphones. For once while in Iraq, I quit trying to be the hard, unemotional, unattached solider, not for long, but just long enough to find myself overwhelmed with deep emotion about the tragedies of the last couple of days. It started Monday when the sad news came that an old 2nd Platoon member had died in combat while serving with his Reserve unit. I didn’t know him well, but I did recall him from the first deployment. Others in our platoon had strong bonds, leaving a huge tear in the heart.
The next dagger came the following day when 1st Sgt. Ward called us together for a meeting. As we circled around, one of my buddies from mortars asked, “So what is this all about?” I replied, “He’s probably going to tell us about the staff sergeant that was once in our company.” I sat down so that the others could see and also hear the message from the first sergeant. 1st Sgt. Ward quickly walked up to the front of us; he didn’t look well — almost pale. It wasn’t normal. Silence came over the company. It was like being in a basketball game, and you’re the home team, and the crowd goes silent so you can concentrate and shoot the free throw. The anticipation is always captivating. Well, this shot rattled the rim, and we lost the game. 1st Sgt. Ward looked at the ground like he was that kid in right field just trying to figure why he was out there. His lips started to curl slightly, and his eyes started to close and then quickly open. He quickly regained his emotional composure. His eyes were now glossed and recognizably full of utter loss. 1st Sgt. Ward is a strong man. I have never seen him really emotional, but this time whatever it was, it was real and it had hit home.

“Men, I want you to hear from me first. We have lost six brothers today from our unit.” At that moment the air was sucked out of the building. Shortly before the speech men were joking and laughing; now they were standing in shock of what they had just heard. No one moved. The first sergeant looked at us, shook his head, raised his hand slowly, and gave us the “OK” salute. He walked with his head down, disappearing like a cool shady spot in Iraq. 1st Sgt. Ward came from the brother company before taking over as first sergeant at C Company, making this loss hit home. These are some of the men he had trained and lived with on the first tour. This was not just a loss of six soldiers; rather, it was a loss of six family members.
Everyone just stood there. After some time men started to look at each other, looking for the answer. “What the hell happened?” No one knew all of the details. But the details we did know made you think about how one minute you can be rolling down the road shooting the s@#% talking about what you’re going to do with your newfound love when you get back home, and then in the blink of an eye, dreams and aspirations are gone. The dreams and aspirations ended sadly for Cpl. Matthew Alexander, Sgt. Joel Lewis, Spc. Michael Purcel, Sgt. Jason Harkins, Staff Sgt. Vincenzo Romeo, and Cpl. Anthony Bradshaw.

As the day dragged on, you could see men sitting down isolating themselves in an area, staring off into their own little worlds. Some men grabbed their stress relievers — cigarettes — and started smoking away their frustration and stress. I walked outside to throw my water bottle away, and before I did, I stopped to take a minute to get my anger under control. I took a deep breath and then chucked the water bottle. I muttered, “For what?” This is a huge question that most soldiers deal with on a daily basis. It’s not a huge top secret opinion. Men just want to know what they’re really putting their lives on the line for. The president stayed firm with direction in an interview in April stating:

“So no matter how frustrating the fight in Iraq can be, no matter how much we wish the war was over, the security of our country depends directly on the outcome of Iraq. The price of giving up there would be paid in American lives for years to come. ... Success in Iraq would bring something powerful and new — a democracy at the heart of the Middle East, a nation that fights terrorists instead of harboring them, and a powerful example for others of the power of liberty to overcome an ideology of hate.”

As I much as we all may get frustrated with what’s going on, we are not leaving this country till the top man thinks it’s time. So what’s our strategy? I took a glance at the president’s.
On April 20, 2007, President Bush updated the American people on his new Iraq strategy. In January, President Bush and his administration concluded an extensive review of the situation in Iraq and made major changes to our strategy in Iraq. The president described how this new campaign is unfolding in Baghdad, Anbar Province, and the outskirts of Baghdad, where terrorists and extremists are making a stand.

*The new strategy recognizes that our top priority must be to help Iraq’s leaders secure their population, especially in Baghdad. Until the Iraqi people have a basic measure of security, they will not be able to make political and economic progress.
*We are seeing positive indicators under the new strategy that we hope will translate into positive trends. Gen. Petraeus has been carrying out this new strategy for just over two months. He reports that it will be later this year before we can judge its potential for success. Yet, the first indicators show that the operation is meeting our expectations. While there are still horrific attacks in Iraq, the direction of the fight is beginning to shift.
*Iraqi and American forces are making incremental gains in the Iraqi capital.
*American and Iraqi forces tracked down and captured the leaders of a major car bomb ring.
*We found and cleared a warehouse where terrorists were storing chemicals to make weapons.
*We captured members of a death squad that had paralyzed hundreds of residents in a Baghdad neighborhood.
*Displaced families are beginning to return home.
*The number of sectarian murders in Baghdad has dropped by half since the operation began.
Democrats in Congress are pushing legislation that would undercut the strategy Gen. Petraeus has just started to pursue. Democratic leaders need to put politics aside and send the president a bill that funds our troops without artificial deadlines or wasteful spending and without handcuffing our commanders.
*It has now been 74 days since the president requested emergency funding. Our men and women in uniform should never be caught in the middle of a debate in Washington.
*To cover ongoing Army operations, the Pentagon is being forced to transfer money from military personnel accounts.
The most significant element of our new strategy is being carried out in Baghdad
Baghdad was the site of most of the sectarian violence in Iraq and is the destination for most of our reinforcements. Three additional American brigades have reached the Iraqi capital while another is in Kuwait preparing to deploy to Iraq and one more will arrive next month.
*The Iraqi government is meeting its pledge to boost force levels in Baghdad. For every American combat soldier deployed to Baghdad, there are now about three members of the Iraqi Security Force.
*American troops are now living and working side-by-side with Iraqi forces at small neighborhood posts called Joint Security Stations, and cooperation and tips have increased. Late last year, most American troops were at bases on the outskirts of the city. They would move into Baghdad to help Iraqi forces clear neighborhoods during the day and then return to their bases at night, allowing the insurgents and death squads to move back into the neighborhoods. Troops in Baghdad are changing their positions in the city, and today there are more than two dozen Joint Security Stations located throughout Baghdad and more are planned. Iraqi and American forces are working together to clear out and secure neighborhoods. If a heavy fight breaks out, American forces step in and Iraqi forces learn valuable skills fighting shoulder-to-shoulder with our troops.

*Iraqi and American forces have received more tips in the past three months than during any three-month period on record. By living in Baghdad neighborhoods, American forces get to know the culture and concerns of local residents, and local residents get to know the American forces and gain confidence and trust in them. Many of the tips received in the past three months have led to successful operations against terrorists and insurgents.
U.S. and Iraqi Security Forces are carrying out the new strategy in Anbar Province
While Anbar Province is still not safe, significant progress is occurring. For much of the past four years, insurgents and al-Qaeda members terrorized the local population through a ruthless campaign of violence. Now the situation has begun to change.
*Tribal sheiks have begun cooperating with American and Iraqi forces to fight al-Qaeda by providing highly specific intelligence.
*We have sent more troops to Anbar Province.
*Significant changes are taking place in Ramadi, where the presence of al-Qaeda terrorists in the city has declined substantially in the past six months.
*As al-Qaeda responds to these changes with sickening brutality, local Sunnis are refusing to be intimidated and are stepping forward to drive out the terrorists.

We are adjusting to conditions in other areas of Iraq
We are cracking down on extremists gathering in other parts of Iraq.
*We are increasing our force levels and carrying out aggressive operations in the “Baghdad belts” — the areas on the outskirts of the capital that have been staging grounds for deadly attacks.
*We have moved an additional Stryker battalion to Diyala Province.
We have sent reinforcements to Diwaniyah, where we are working with Iraqi forces to root out militia fighters and other Shia extremists.
Our enemies are fighting back as American and Iraqi forces fight to clear and hold territory the enemy considers its own, but our operations are having an important impact. As violence increases in these areas, American and Iraqi operations are:
*Keeping the pressure on terrorists and insurgents who flee Baghdad and Anbar Province
*Helping cut off the supply of weapons and fighters to violent groups inside the Iraqi capital
*Showing Iraqi citizens across the country that there will be no sanctuary for killers anywhere in a free Iraq
We are working with Iraqis to make political and economic progress
As we increase our troop levels, we are also increasing our civilian presence. We are doubling the number of Provincial Reconstruction Teams that help restore basic services, stimulate job creation, and promote reconciliation.
Military operations are beginning to open up breathing space for political progress. Iraq's leaders must take advantage of this space to make further political progress. America’s patience is not unlimited, but we understand that the Iraqi government is working hard in an extremely difficult environment.
Iraq’s government is beginning to follow through on securing the free and democratic future that nearly 12 million Iraqis voted for.
*The Iraqi legislature met a key benchmark by passing a budget that commits 10 billion dollars for the reconstruction project.
*The Council of Ministers recently approved legislation that would provide a framework for an equitable sharing of oil resources, and now that legislation is going before the Iraqi parliament for its approval.
*The government has formed a committee to organize provincial elections.
*The Iraqi cabinet is taking steps to finalize toward agreement on a de-Baathification law.
*At a conference in Egypt next month, Prime Minister Maliki will seek increased diplomatic and financial commitments for Iraq’s democracy.
Giving up in Iraq would have consequences far beyond Iraq’s borders. It is natural to wish there was an easy way out; yet, in Iraq the easy road would be disastrous since Iraq is a battlefront in a much broader struggle. We cannot allow terrorists to gain a safe haven overseas like they had in Afghanistan during the 1990s, especially in a land with vast oil resources that terrorists could use to fund their ambitions.
Withdrawal is not a strategy. Withdrawal would do nothing to prevent violence from spilling out across the country and plunging Iraq into chaos and anarchy. If anything, it would make that more likely.
Well, if you didn’t know about the strategy, now you do. What’s my take on this? As if it really stinking matters! Well, at this point the Area of Operation that we work of out is calm, and there is a working environment. It is more or less a nonlethal mission in my mind. I see a city that is bringing itself together. Granted, the city gets only one hour of electricity a day, but I personally don’t think that’s my problem, and it’s really out of my hands. I am an infantryman, not a contractor. I am sure if they tried hard enough they could get it resolved. Do I feel sorry for these people? You know, in this AO I do. I have had great conversations with the locals. The people we come across are college educated, and some are doctors at the local hospital. So you ask what about the poor folks, do you care about them? I haven’t seen many in this area, but my heart always goes out to those who live in those shanty houses.
I have skipped around a lot in this not to confuse anyone, but to throw stuff out at you so that you get an idea of the man on the ground predicament. What it sadly comes down to, my friends, is men will continue to die every day, getting blown up, shot, or whatever it may be. The enemy that we face is a coward and very illusive. We are always being told, “Don’t take it out on the Iraqi people. It’s not their fault. Always be professional and above approach.” Do you know how hard that is? It’s something that burns deep inside every man — to defend one’s name, even if you don’t know him personally. It is at night when everyone is sleeping and there is a certain peacefulness that you gather your direction and realize how much the man around you really means to you and how devastating it would be to lose anyone. This country, Iraq, is not worth dying for — only the man next to you.

Another day goes by and we come back from another clearing operation, coming up with nothing. We make our way down to our room while we take off our gear, and the news comes that we have another meeting. We make our way upstairs and settle in like before. This time it seems like everyone is prepared. The XO gives the message and it isn’t good. It just happens to be a really bad week for our brothers down the way. This time the news hits home to me. One of the men who was a casualty was my platoon leader on my first deployment. There are some people in life whom you meet that you get the impression that they are untouchable or nothing could happen to them. Well, this man was that to me. This man was our previous XO, so we all had working relationships with him. So another day, another mind-numbing remembrance of where you are and what could happen at any moment.
As the dark week continued it just seemed like when evening came it was like you were a wife back home waiting for the men in green to show up at your door and say the infamous words, “I am sorry to inform you that … .” How do we deal with death? What goes through our minds every day we leave the wire? These questions are top secret for each person.
As of late, I have found myself at the gym running myself ragged. My way of letting off steam is running. I find myself on the treadmill for what seems forever. I have been running 10 miles every other day and losing weight like a madman. I am an experienced runner, so I know how to keep healthy doing this. I remember my mom telling me as a kid, “You must accept the things around you and grow from it.” I am in my early 30s and I have lived a full life. I have done my college thing. I have traveled the country. I have journeyed and taken great things from this world. I look at the men and women who have died, some 18 and 20, and just wish I could give them some of my years. When I read about the six young men who died, I read about what their lives had in store, such as one of the men had volunteered while in rear detachment to come over and get some good combat training. Another young man put marriage to his sweetheart on hold to serve his country. That is just two of men in this tragedy, but I am sure as you read you fully comprehend. When you open the paper and it reads in dark black ink that five GIs died today in Iraq, I want you to look at your finger and see if there is a dark smug on your hand. That would be from the ink rubbing off the paper. So often, that is all these men are to people — ink on a paper, just one more man dying. The other day while I was eating I was watching a news program. The lady on the show was talking about knowing who you are or what race you are. She went on forever. I could hear the moans in the chow hall. After that the news continued. The War on Terror. Everyone seemed to be glued. The lady that had just talked an hour about something no one cared about and then turned around and took three minutes to tell us that there was still a war in Iraq. It was quick. It was just like someone said, "Hey, put some war stuff in there just in case anyone cares." I know there are people out there who care; they e-mail me all the time. But when you watch TV and there's more information on the weather than on what’s happening here, you start to wonder. One guy said in a conversation at the table, "Hey, they can lower the flag for a tragedy at a college, but won't lower the flag every time one of us dies. I think that's wrong." I look at him and say in serious tone, "This war is not personal to them. If they don't turn on the TV or read the paper, who really knows what we are doing here. The only time some people know there's a war going on is when they go to get gas and look up and it reads $4. Think about it." The guys shook their heads and concurred. Sometimes you learn the most at chow.


As my best friend Melissa always tells me when we talk, “David Bruce, one day at a time, that’s how you will get through this.” I no longer look for answers to how or why things happen. I just take one step at a time. We all face the same ugly face every day. It’s just how you perceive it that directs your emotion.

Everyone is sent here for a reason, and I strongly believe that once you have accomplished your reason the man takes you back into his fold. I am not a hugely religious fan or a fanatic, but I do feel we all have a purpose. The other day on the way to the gym a guy was talking to someone, and he looked over at me and said smiling, “Hardt can’t die. He’s writing a story about us. Who would finish it?” I didn’t know what to say, so I was silent. Nothing is guaranteed regardless of what you do; although, I hope he’s right. There are things you hold onto while you’re here, and there are things that you let go. When I walk around the city on a patrol, it doesn’t matter if the streets are packed with people or there are loud noises. It’s like everyone I see is dead — just a shell — and the noises are muted, leaving me to live in a lifeless country. This place sucks so much out of you, soon you almost feel like the dead walking the streets right with them. I was such a loving and emotional creature, willing to do whatever for whomever — even one of these local nationals, believe it or not. Now my heart is hardened, and my eyes are shut. If they don’t care, really why should I? I will execute my mission to the standard and go all out, but only for my buddies around me.
It’s not about Iraq. It’s not about getting electricity or water or fixing the plumbing. Because if we do all of that they will keep asking for more just like children asking for candy are never satisfied. This wholeheartedly is about the men I look at in my room as my white screen glows in the darkness.

Comments

[Sharon Williams]

David I just want you and your men to know that you do matter to alot of us here. I think about the WAR EVERYDAY! I have a son over there and that may be the reason. You guys are the biggest and strongest beings on this earth. We love you all, don't ever stop knowing that. This article really hit home to me. I can only try to imagine what my son and yourself and all the others are living in. I pray you all come home and be okay and try to live your life with what you have lived thru and seen. I am so proud of you all and love you all as my own. Please be safe!

[Allan Whitney]

David, you keep on telling us like it is. The recent deaths of so many Ft. Lewis brothers, and the frustrations with perceptions of people at home and political posturing, certainly are maddening. I just hope your writing continues to hold you together. Every bit of venting and reporting that you do, is a blessing to your readers.

[Sanya Resnik]

I want to read more of this mans writing! How can I subscribe to this blog?

Amazing writer and God Bless you and all of the men and women there in Iraq. My brother is Sgt. Resnik and was roomates with SSG. Romeo.

Sanya

[another stryker mom]

Yes there is still people out there that put the flag at half staff,every time i hear that one of the boys or girls die over there.I`m one of them,my son is a stryker over there.I check everything that I`m allowed to,just to hear news of (all of you) to us mothers at home your all our children.So from the heart thank you David for being who you are,and for keeping us in touch if only a little.God bless all of you.

[A Rowland]

David,

That was an amazing article. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. May God bless and keep you and every soldier that is fighting in Iraq. You are all in my prayers.

A. Rowland

[Michael Wiles]

Thanks for your service, I am also upset over news coverage of who's screwing who in Washington. Clinton and Rush's conversation over diner. Who Cares!!! I have a son, soon to deploy with Stryker Brigade. I want to know whats going on. I care about all of you there. Finish the mission and get the hell out of there. Politians care about how they look and sound to the groups that support them. They are not serving the Americam peolpe just themselves. For example, the CIA has the new dragon skin body armour, what about the grunts. The funding they are fighting over could supply you with the best body armour made. It can withstand a grenade explosion at zero meters. ENOUGH bitching. Stay safe and keep your head down.

[Kim Barthelmess]

My name is Kim Barthelmess, my nephew Dillon Heyliger is serving along side you.

I want to thank you for writing your blog regarding the horrific recent events your unit has encountered. It gave me a better understanding of how you and the men feel. I pray for Dillon and all of you everyday to be safe.

I want you to know that the troops are not forgotten. Although the media seems to be more concerned over Paris Hilton’s impending jail sentence, there are many other non-liberal media outlets that help to keep people informed about the really important things ~ our loved ones, the freedom they give us by serving, and how truly remarkable are service men and women are.

If possible, please tell Dillon we send our love.

Stay safe, be well and God bless,

Kim, Peter, Brian & Sean Barthelmess

[Solo]

This was a great post, as are all of them. I wish more people would take the time to listen to the "boots on the ground". Every loss hits me hard and it has been my privilage to stand in honor with Strykers as we laid a hero to rest. We shed tears together. Sgt. Joel Lewis had his home about 20 miles from where I live, but I've found that grief knows nothing about distance. My heart goes out to the families, and brothers in arms of all we have lost. May this country never forget. I won't.

[David B Hardt (*The Writer)]

Thank you for all your comments. I love hearing from you. I hear from all sides, making me work harder at what I do. It has been a rough week and I know there our many more to come. I miss home and my loved ones as everyone else. These days may not make history, but I will do my best to make everyone know "we run the show."
thanks everyone
DBH

[jkelly]

Dave your writing brought tears to my eyes you are a wonderful Man and as a MOM I can only say again learn as you go and let it make you a strong man. But there are times when we must cry and there is nothing wrong with that. We learn more about ourself's every day. You are my Son and I count it a blessing . I love you so mush keep safe. Jkelly

[jkelly]

I am proud of you. You are a strong man and you give out the truth and I will say this mushwhen you hurt is ok to let it out we are all indviuals that have feeling's. Keep youself safe. For all your team we are proud of all of you My LOve MOM

[Sherry Lawson]

David, Thank you for your service in Iraq, your article, and for remembering the 6 soliders that died on May 6th. Sgt. Jason Harkins was from the community where I live. His mother is also a very dear friend of mine. I found your blog while looking up his name on the internet. I can't say I understand everything (or most things) that are going on over there, but I do know that I am proud and thankful for every man and woman who is fighting and working to keep my family and I safe. If you will permit me, I would like to post a link to an article in our local paper here in North Georgia...http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/news/stories/20070519/localnews/174520.shtml

I hope this will encourage you and any other person there you can share it with. There are many, many people back here at home that love you, appreciate you and pray for you daily.

Thank you again for your service!!

[Michelle Pellum]

Hey Guys, keep your chin up. I know it is hard for me after the death of my close friends son, Mike Pursel. I can't imagine what it is like for you guys. I have a nephew serving over there also. I think and pray for you guys every day. I know some times it seems that nobody cares, but there is a lot that do. My 8 year old son and I thank every soldier we come across. Let us hope our nation learns at this trying time to put aside the politics and get the job done. One nation under God. Love you.

[Lynn Jones]

David.
I agree that we need to be hearing more about what you are all going through there. It tears me up that the news coverage is almost nonexsitant. Mom and I are constantly waiting to hear anything from there. Ilook forward to hearing from her to let me know that you are safe as she has seen you pop online, or has talked to you on her messanger. Just know that you may feel alone there or as you said death walking among death, but to me and many others you are more then heros, you are saving us all.Thanks for everything that you are all doing and an even bigger thank you for staying safe.
Yes we want to see you all home soon but as you said that would not be the best for the situation that is in Iraq or here.
Please be as safe as you can be along with all your fellow comrads there, And remember you are loved and missed at home. Even by those of us in your family that have yet to meet you.
Your cousin
Lynn

[David B Hardt (*The Writer)]

Hello friends,
I am trying my hardest to develope a story, but theres a whole lot of nothing going on. In a some way, thats a good thing. If you have any questions that you would like to ask feel free. I am doing better, can't say doing great, but I will live. Theres no time to feel sorry for your self over her, and I don't plan it.

I miss home and miss my loved one, like everyone. I hope this week everyone has a great one.......

Thanks for your support.
DBH

[Neal]

David:

I found your blog while searching for information about my brother-in-law, a Stryker from Ft. Lewis who just got to Iraq a few weeks ago. Thanks for putting yourself out there like this. No doubt about it, our country seems at times to have gone crazy. Anna Nicole Smith, American Idol -- the things people get worked up about are enough to make you lose your mind.

But there are many over here who are very aware that there is a war going on and who think about you guys and the sacrifices you make every day, even though the government is trying its best to keep people from thinking about it too much. From what I can see, the media is doing a decent (though not perfect) job of getting out information about the good work that the troops are doing over there. It's also showing the ugly side of the war, of course, but to anyone who says that the media shouldn't report on the casualties, both civilian and military, I say that not reporting those facts is the same as lying to the American people, which is what got us into this mess in the first place. Figuring out where the Truth lies, though, is quite a trick.

Anyway, I wish I could offer you words of encouragement, but I don't know what I could say that would really help you. I hate the fact that the war is taking place, but I know that you guys are trying to do the best you can in the impossible situation in which you've been placed. I hope you and your mates can keep your minds right as you go about the task of protecting each other. Best of luck, and come home soon.

[Emily Harkins]

Just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and I appreciate you guys SO much. My husband was Sgt Jason Harkins. I miss him like crazy, but I know he was doing what he felt like he was called to do and I'm so proud of him. Thanks for what you do. Feel free to contact me any time.
God bless you!
Emily
butterfly3142@yahoo.com

[Lois Husted]

david ,just a note to wish you and all the rest of the men and women over there a good 4th of July and Thanks to each and everyone of you for keeping America Safe thank you and god bless each and eveyone lois

[Carol Gebert]

David,

I am a very close friend of your Mother's (That is if your Mother is Jan and she is originally from Michigan) I have tried without sucess to reach her for several months now. Will you please give her my e-mail address and tell her I must hear from her? Thank you so much David. And thank you so very much for serving our country. Prayers are with you.

[C. Romeo]

I have just read your article, over one year has passed since my brother passed away. I still have a difficult time reading any of these articles. I just would like to tank you for writing about him. I also would like to let you know that this upcoming mnday, the town where he lived in (Lodi, NJ) will rename the steet after him. Thank you again......