Jessica Keck is a columnist for the Fort Lewis Ranger and an Army spouse. This week her column ran a bit long so we are printing the entire thing here.
I had the most interesting talk with a new military wife a few days ago. She reminded me of myself when Mike and I first got married — new to the ways of military life. The more we talked the more I wanted to help her. She is by herself with her child in a new place, and this is her first time being away from her family. We talked about how she felt trapped in her house on rainy days and how she was not sure where to meet people, to name a few things. I am sure just about everyone has felt this way or maybe even is feeling this way now. I don’t have all of the answers, but I can tell you I have been there and don’t wish that lonely, helpless feeling on anyone. I want to share my story about my first two years here in Washington. Maybe someone will read this and not feel so alone and know there is more out there.
When I moved to Washington it was the day before Thanksgiving four years ago. Mike had just gotten back from Korea. I was pregnant, and Abby and Isaac were 1 and 2 years old. While Mike was in Korea, I moved back to Colorado from Virginia to live close to my family. That was the first time I had been on my own and with two kids. When Mike left for Korea, Isaac had just turned 1 and I was six months pregnant with Abby. So when Mike came home to two toddlers and a pregnant wife, well, let’s just say it was hard.
We moved here, and the rain never stopped. I was lucky because I did move here knowing someone, so we stayed with her for a couple of weeks until our house was ready. I would say the first year we lived here was the worst year of my life. The rain made me tired all of the time. My kids were stuck in the house all of the time. This place is like no other place I have ever lived. I had heard about the rain, and I just kept telling myself I love the rain. It makes you feel all cozy inside. You watch movies all day and eat soup. All that stuff was fun for the first week or so, but after that I started getting depressed. I got so tired of being in the house. My kids were so young. They were a lot to handle to take anywhere. I felt trapped. I only left the house when Mike came home so he could stay with the kids, and even then it was going to Wal-Mart for more diapers. There were times I would forget something so I would have somewhere to go the next night. I was so alone. I did not know anyone well enough to talk to. I wanted to go back home to Colorado. Mike left a lot on TDY. He was the only adult interaction I had. So when he left I would get really lonely.
It always seems when Mike leaves bad things happen to me. Like getting sick. I never get sick until Mike leaves. One time, all of the kids got the stomach flu. And the first night it started they had all gotten sick in their beds, so one by one they came in my bed. Then one of them threw up in my bed, so we all moved to the sofa bed. By the end of the night, we were sleeping on the floor because every bed was dirty. Then I got it. I will never forget how I was on the bathroom floor sick to my stomach and the kids were all sitting next to me crying because they did not understand what was going on. I was so sick and so scared I was not going to be able to take care of them. Those were the worst days ever.
My life pretty much stayed the same until Mike came home from his first deployment. I hit a point where I told myself things had to change, because if they didn’t my family was going to fall apart. The first thing I did was go out and buy the kids rain boots and raincoats. After that, I realized the kids would not melt if they got a little wet.
I knew I needed something for me too. I needed to meet other women I could relate to. That is when I picked up a welcome packet and found a flyer for the Enlisted Spouses’ Club. I went to a meeting and realized this was the best decision I had ever made. I made wonderful friends and got out there and volunteered. I put myself out there, and now I am a board member. I was even selected as volunteer of the month for all of Fort Lewis. I really feel I am making a difference. I am experiencing things I didn’t even know were out there. Then I found a preschool for Isaac. It is a co-op preschool, so I just jumped in with both feet.
It was a lot for me to put myself out there and try new things and meet new people. But I knew I didn’t want to sit by and watch my life pass me by. No one ever stopped me and said, “Hey, you look like you could use a friend,” or “Do you need help with anything?” Maybe if a new wife comes and you see that she is shy you can put yourself out there. If you can offer information to help someone adjust a little easier, then do it. We are wives, and we all have different stories to tell. Just listen. Remember what it was like for you.
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